Restrictions

I'm restricted from doing a lot either by doctors orders or simply because doing things makes me hurt. My only job really is to take care of Abby and Emma so a lot of the housework goes to Carey. Which really sucks because he's got a full day of work then he has to come home and try to catch up on things. We're always in catch up mode. The pile of laundry is always growing no matter how much we try to keep up. Now and then I will ignore orders and try to tackle some housework. I'll fold some laundry, clean the kitchen a little. I won't do dishes though that is solely Carey's job I cannot stand doing dishes. Then my body starts to roar at me it tells me how stupid I was that I did too much, I pushed too hard. That if only I had picked one thing and had done just a little it might have been okay. I don't know how to do just a little though I always push too hard. Carey is always getting onto me about that.

There's this feeling of worthlessness, of being completely useless. I sit here and look around at things that need to be done and they taunt me. I am by nature a slightly lazy person. I don't immediately put the dish in the sink although with Abby we have to she gets into everything. Now that I've been told I can't do anything it makes me want to do things. How do I sit here and have any self esteem, any self worth if I can't even help when I choose to. How can I teach my daughters to keep a tidy house unlike how my mother taught me. So I continue to sit here feeling lower and lower staring at the pile of laundry that is beginning to reach the point of becoming alive. What else can I do?