So a lot has happened since I posted last. My world has changed and I'm grieving twice over right now. I had a miscarriage in February and my due date was supposed to be September 8th. My father has also been diagnosed with ALS which is incurable and fatal within 5 years of being diagnosed. However, my father's disease is progressing extremely fast. It's only been a few months and he's losing motor function, his breathing function is down, he can't really walk and is in a wheelchair among other things. I've learned about grieving for someone with a terminal condition.
We've also been transferred to Seattle which I love but has been overshadowed by grief and stress. I've met my nephew Cooper and met some wonderful friends. I have a beautiful little girl who is starting her dance classes today and is so excited. I'm getting medical conditions straightened out and working on getting things fixed. These are good things but right now I'm having a lot of trouble getting past how things should be.
I should be pregnant and about to give birth. I should be having the chance to really renew my relationship with my father and have Emma really get to know him. Instead I am grieving for my lost child and grieving for my father.
Life continues on regardless of how I feel. Each day comes and goes and I try to make it through the day. Some days are good and some are difficult. I wish that my family lived closer together so we could lean on each other more and share our grief. So we could get the hugs and cry with someone who understands exactly what you're going through. We will all be together this Christmas though. My sister Ella, my sister Shawnda with her two kids, Jon with Cooper and me with Emma. We're going to spend it with my father and I have a sinking feeling that this may be the last Christmas. I just don't know and I hate not knowing.
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